Saturday, November 26, 2005
today i almost gt a shock from mama..
her right eye was red n blur..
itz lyk e symptoms she had for her left eye few mths back la!
so scary..
rushed down to SNEC at ard 12
cos was too tired yez night..
slept till 11 dis morning..
mama thought itz nth, so din bother to wake mi up!!!
in the end, no doc were left at e eye centre
walked all e way to A&E dept at block 1 of sgh
damn a long walk
esp for mama cos her legs are in pain, still
i realli scold her all e way as we walk to A&E
realli dunno how to make her come to her senses man!
i mean last time also like dat..
thought her left eye's vision blurring is nth
so nv do anything abt it..
den as it gt worse, den go polyclinic to see doc
gt a referral letter from polyclinic
bt too late
e date scheduled hasn't arrived, her left eye's cornea had already tore
realli dunno when mama's gg to learn her lesson..
everything also wait..
den until when everything gets worse,
she'll start to complain
regretting dat she din take any actions earlier
reprimanding herself for having such sickness..
always lyk a vicious cycle
dis morning also yk dat..
when we went to A&E
kept complaining dat if she had woke mi up earlier,
can go find her doc, Dr Lim Li
den dun hav to go A&E
reg fee is $80!!
so ex la! budden dis kind of money is unavoidable..
haiz.. waited until lyk hell la..
from 11+ to 5+ b4 we can go home
in e end, e problem lies in her eyelashes n cataract
1 of her eyelashes was growing inwards la
so kept rubbing against her eye causing her eye irritation = eye's red
den vision blur bcos gt a bit of cataract
bt nt so serious until an immediate op is needed
cataract = old pple's sickness
scared e hell out of mi manz
she already lost e vision of 1 eye
n was complaining abt dying n causing trouble to us n not able to b a gd mother n everything
if she lose e other eye's vision temporarily,
i dunno wads gg to happen to her, n more imptly, MI!
cos she's literally lyk a fallen builiding la!
waiting for everyone else to pick up and reassemble her so dat she can carry on with life
i mean i shld b more sensitive to her feelings, esp right now, when she felt so useless n disabled
BUDDEN..
itz easier to say it dan do it!
she has her own diff n i hav my own challenges..
everyone has his own life to live!! n challenges to overcome
if mama's sick, she's nt e onli 1 feeling terrible!
every other pple who's her kin r also feeling e same!
y cant she jz change her concept of her life n get over it?
basically mama is imagining herself as e lead of a very pitiful story
lyk e girl who sells matches n died in e cold..
i mean there are so many pple out dere who r far worse dan her
african kids dying of hunger at a young age,
pple contracting terminal illness.. etc
i realli dunno wad to say to her..
she's so pessimistic n worse
she expect EVERYONE to feel e same as her..
to affirm dat pathethic n pitiful story of hers..
i realli whish someone can jz make her wake up to her senses
n stop worrying for stupid things
n making all of us, esp mi, so tired n exhausted, having to entertain her pessimistic thoughts
n reassuring her dat e situation isn't as bad as she thought..
there's a limit to how much other pple can help her to regain her confidence..
onli she n she alone can help her to stop dwelling on spilt milk
stand up and fight against her illness again!!!
i dont expect mama to be happily enjoying life
ya noe wad i mean..
i jz wish she can hav the fighting spirit..
not to say die b4 the result is out yet..
e doc already said we can onli now whether her eye has recovered until 2mth l8r..
no one knows whether she'll recover by dat time
bt derez always a possibility..
i dun wan a mother who surrenders b4 she even put up a gd fight
i jz wish she can be a mother whom i respect n a role model whom i can learn
not to accept defeat when nth is confirmed yet
if she cont to believe dat she's realli e most pitiful person in e whole wide world,
n making mi to pacify her after she started to worry for new things
i realli dunno how much longer i can hold on
cos right now derez onli mi n grandma in e hse who would listen to her woes
im on hols n grandma is always at home with her..
if she carry on like dis
i think im gg to die earlier than her man!!!
-end-
I love my world:D
7:44 PM
