Tuesday, January 02, 2007
been really upset with my runs.never seem to catch up.previously i tot i can complete the 5k run to the 2nd bridge lebut it was all false hopes.cos during the times when i managed to complete the runs, i was the pacer.din realise i was actually slowing down the whole team when im in the leadand i tot i actually improved a lot, so much so that i can catch up with the rest.realli feel like crying.den huiqi, my ex-cap, was behind me.she kept saying negative comments to me.like 'you're slowing down the whole right side' and stuff like dat.super demoralising and miserable. i teared when i couldnt do it.had to lag behind, and she ran in front of me, giving up on me.dunno y i just cant seem to keep up with the rest.they're super fast, yet most of them can stay tgt, except me.i know i've improved, but i still have not reached their standards.it makes me feel that im not improving at all.damn sad.but it's really heart warmingwhen some of my teammates found out that i was very sad after that run.they msged me to ask me not to feel sad n things like that.one of them even wrote me an email on that sat nightbut i din manage to read my mails until just now.she shared with me how she has endured and improved until the standard she had now.was reali touched.actually after the run, my seniors came to talk to me abt how to improve on my next run and things like dat.was realli touched, but at the same time felt like i was a baby, making everyone to be worried abt me.the next morning, sun, i met ah hee, my coach on the train to kallang.was surprised when i see him there, on the platformhe came to talk to measked me abt my results, ask how's the training.gave suggestions abt how to improve my land fitness and a little of his experience.haha. it was hilarious, cos he was encouraging me, in a not so serious tonebut i just couldnt help tearing, plus its on the train. super diu1 lian3 k.even now im tearing. dunno y. weird.today ah hee ran with us. its so obvious that he was dere to support me.to encourage me for the run.really feel lousy of myself. like a cry baby, cant seem to grow upand be strong, both physically and mentally.i realli sucks.i know im not panting, but my mind just couldnt control my bodyto let it go faster, or even at a constant speed.my legs just keep moving slower and slower, my steps are just narrower and narrower.but still, after all the encouragement, ive decided to run 7x a wk.i know its crazy, but i realli dun want to be a loser who just quits db, after all the efforts i've put in.jia yous! (for myself)-end-
I love my world:D
4:22 PM
